Unlocking the Mind – A Stream of Steady Consciousness

So many things running through my mind today. The end of school is in sight, only 4 more days. Kids are excited to be done. I can feel the excitement in the air. Teachers are excited, as well. We’re anxiously cleaning out our rooms, handing in our textbooks, and settling our desks. Some of us have started the process of filling out our checklists. Others, like me, will wait til the last minute for that step, as the process of walking all over the school multiple times is not appealing right now. On my to do list is shredding confidential papers and finding a place to store my desk materials. Our campus is used for summer school, meaning if it’s not locked down, it won’t be here when I return.

I have a sunburn. It’s not awful, but not comfortable. I took my kids to the water park yesterday with my ex-husband. Yes, my ex and I get along well enough to take our kids for a fun day. This is important to us because, married or not, we are a family. We are committed to providing the most intact family possible. Our children deserve it. I understand many people are not in a situation to do this, particularly abusive situations, but if you can, it is so good for the kids.

The water slides were the kids’ favorite part. My son loved those body slides where you feel like you are losing your stomach at the first drop. I tried it to be a good sport, knowing I absolutely despise those things. I was right. My daughter preferred the slides where you go down on a mat on your belly. I suppose if I had to pick, I like those best, along with the tube slides where we got to go down together. It’s fun to experience the thrill of the ride with someone else, especially my kids.

I’m excited to go visit my family this summer. I’m getting anxious to go, but I still have more than a month until the day arrives. However, my kids are leaving with their dad a full month before I head up to go visit his family. That will be a calm week, for sure. Now that I think about it, it will be two weeks. That is a long time. Not sure I like that. I know my son, even at age 10, cries for me after too many days. At least he will have his sister to keep him comfortable, and hopefully my parents will keep him occupied.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. Classics, current fiction, also non-fiction. This year I have taken to learning about history. This shocks me because, before being forced to help teach it, I avoided it at all costs. Now that I understand the connections and themes more, I find it interesting. I have a summer reading list. Just finished reading “The Help.” Started it once before but it was too slow at the time. I really enjoyed it this time. This weekend I started reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Yes, I’ve read it before, but other than the overall theme, I couldn’t tell you one detail about it. Time to change that. I remembered it being a slow read, but I guess as an adult, it goes much more quickly.

Even though life isn’t perfect (it never is), I understand that I am so incredibly blessed. I have two beautiful children, a nice house in a safe neighborhood, a stable job, an education, am fairly financially secure, parents who are both alive and want to help me out, an ex-husband who is good to deal with most of the time, friends, food on the table, a reliable car, and am healthy overall. Life is good. Sometimes it is difficult to remember this, but I truly know how good I have it, and how bad it could be.

A good close friend and co-worker is leaving me to go live closer to his child. I don’t blame him. Being away from your children sucks. He is a great dad and wants to be active in his child’s life. It’s difficult to do that from 15 hours away. I will miss him. We have gotten really close this year, both professionally and personally. I know I will cry the day he heads out. I know there will come a day when he is so busy I won’t hear from him again. Perhaps it will happen on my end that I will wean off of our daily conversations about anything and everything. He’s a good man, even if he drives me crazy sometimes. I hope great things happen for him. Him leaving will be the start of something new. Something I cannot even imagine. New adventures are good, even if I am resistant to change to begin with.

I am shocked at how many things can run through my head in a twenty minute period. Actually, I’m not. My brain is active non-stop. My doctor told me this is why I’m always tired. My brain goes all the time, usually thinking about at least two things at once. There’s usually some kind of rerun in the back of my head. I know it’s not real; it’s more like a tv show running through my head.

Today’s assignment was to free-write for twenty minutes. That’s a whole lot of typing! We are not required to publish, but I figure what is the point of writing, if not to share. I will not be editing at all, as the purpose was to just let the thoughts pour out onto paper or screen, whichever you choose. My time is up now, so it’s time to quit. My fingers are crampy, anyway.


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